A lack of money can make these situations even harder because many options for leaving require payments, such as a hotel fee or a plane ticket. If the victim does not have the means to do these things many of their options disappear. Fear Generally, victims stay because the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying.
Promises of Reform The abuser promises that it will never happen again; the victim wants to believe that this is true. Guilt The victim may believe that the abuser is sick and needs their help. Lack of self-esteem The victim may come to believe that they somehow deserve the abuse. Children Being a single parent is a strenuous experience under the best of conditions, and for most victims, conditions are far from the best.
Love Most people enter a relationship for love and the emotion does not simply disappear in abusive relationships. Women can also be perpetrators, and there are many patterns of violence.
One reason many victims hesitate to speak up is because they are afraid of being judged and pressured by friends and professionals. Jason B. Whiting, Ph. He researches deception, communication, and abuse in relationships and is the author of the upcoming book Love me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationships For more information visit drjasonwhiting.
Kantor, J. New York Times. Cravens, J. Contemporary Family Therapy. DOI Whiting, J. Appraisal distortions and intimate partner violence: Gender, power, and interaction. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
Barnett, O. Family violence across the lifespan: an introduction 3rd ed. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Johnson, M. A typology of domestic violence: Intimate terrorism, violent resistance, and situational couple violence. Boston: Northeastern University Press. Merchant, L. Sign up for our mailing list to receive ongoing updates from IFS.
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Learn more about abuse in different cultural contexts. Many survivors may feel guilty or responsible for disrupting their familial unit. Keeping the family together may not only be something that a survivor may value, but may also be used as a tactic by their partner used to guilt a survivor into staying.
Experiencing abuse and feeling genuine care for a partner who is causing harm are not mutually exclusive. Survivors often still have strong, intimate feelings for their abusive partner. They may have children together, want to maintain their family, or the person abusing them may simply be charming especially at the beginning of a relationship and the survivor may hope that their partner will return to being that person.
Understanding the various ways that abuse appears and intersects can prepare you to respond to situations safely for yourself and others. To browse this site safely, be sure to regularly clear your browser history.
Security Alert Internet usage can be monitored and is impossible to erase completely. Why People Stay It's not as easy as simply walking away. As a result, leaving is often the most dangerous period of time for survivors of abuse. Beyond the physical risks of leaving an abusive situation, there are countless other reasons why people stay in their relationships.
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